Dominant Traits - Affection
Tracing fingertips, a tender kiss, a contented sigh. Is this the act of a Dominant? Absolutely. Affection and care is a hallmark of Dominance every bit as much as bondage, spanking, challenges and commands. Dominance and submission is not simply authority and compliance, command and obedience. It is a bond of mutual respect and adoration. Affection is a fundamental element of a D/s relationship and indeed, when combined with trust, is the bedrock on which the darker pleasures and interactions are built.
There seems to be a pervasive misunderstanding that to be Dominant one must appear overtly authoritarian, gruff, emotionally impenetrable, and fortress like. Nothing could be further from the truth. The respect and trust that must necessarily be earned in order for a submissive to bare and surrender their heart, mind, body and soul comes from a combination of emotional accessibility on the part of a Dominant, combined with a level of power, balance, and control.
To be worthy of submission, a Dominant must be successful in their own rite. This does not mean having a high net worth or achieving financial success. What I am referring to is a level of success and mastery of their own lives such as they are. Rich or poor, highly educated or street wise, professional or laborer, for a Dominant to be considered a Master they must have some mastery of their own circumstances. Whether it is at work, in volunteerism, at home or a hobby, there should be mastery of some sort; having shown the dedication and integrity necessary to be very good at something. They must also have control over their own lives and how they care for themselves and those around them. But this is only part of the equation.
A potential Dominant may be successful in their own rite and worthy of respect for the way in which they conduct their lives, but still not be worthy of submission. For a submissive to desire giving themselves to another, they must not only sense dominance and mastery but also emotional accessibility and security. They need to feel not only desired but also loved, cared for, and protected. It is the combination of power and control, mastery and achievement, love and affection, acceptance and desire, trust and security, that allows a submissive to open themselves fully to their Dominant and fall into them completely. To be a truly effective Dominant, one must successfully strike the balance between all of these traits. Lose that balance and there will be tension in the D/s bond.
My Muse and I baffle people who encounter us. We don’t add up. They cannot figure us out and their heads seem to hurt when they try. It is actually amusing to watch. When we are out in public there are no overt signs that we share a relationship as Dominant and submissive but yet there is something in our interaction with one another that people cannot quite put their finger on. The first thing they notice of course is our age difference, followed by the obvious fact that we are not a couple who live together, and yet we are intimately affectionate with one another. We touch and make a lot of eye contact, we laugh easily and tease one another. Yet there is an underlying dynamic between us of respect and dominance, authority and deference that doesn’t quite compute to those who do not recognize or identify with the underlying D/s foundation. So while our relationship is noticeably different and the vanilla folk we encounter cannot quite put their finger on it, one thing that is often remarked upon is that we seem to be very happy. And we are.
The thing that stands out to others as a hallmark of our interaction is the very obvious and overt level of care and affection we have for one another and openly display. And for good reason, it is the underpinning of our relationship. The fact that we share this deeply intimate emotional bond that manifests itself overtly as affection is in large part the very foundation that allows us to go behind closed doors and act out the darker arts of our bond; bondage, service, challenge, and kink. It is the Yin and the Yang that is us. We cannot have one without the other in proper balance. Fire and water, darkness and light.
So is affection a hallmark of successful and competent Dominants? I absolutely argue that it is and cannot fathom achieving the sort of bond that allows me to express my darker dominant side without it.
Caption © For The Love of a Submissive, 2013
Image Credit Unknown