Anonymous asked: I'm sure you see this question often but do you have any advice for an aspiring dom?
Think about what you envision your ideal D/s relationship to be like and do your best to get there. Recognize there is no set of rules on how to do it. If you don’t like inflicting pain, there’s no rule book that says you have to do it in play or punishment. If you like a softer dynamic, then that’s up to you and your submissive. Find the relationship fit that works for you and your personality. There is no one size fits all when it comes to this.
A Dom should be confident, considerate, and open to communication. I would tell him to have his own life (finances, personal issues, work etc) in order. You cannot be a good leader if you don’t have your own shit together…and you can’t lead from a place of insecurity. Taking ownership of a submissive is not the right way to make yourself feel better about your shortcomings.
I’d advise the Dom to be willing to admit when he’s made a mistake, and be willing to grow from those instances. Essentially, be mature and operate with integrity.
Having a submissive is not having a mindless robot to do things for you and serve you sexually. It is a RESPONSIBILITY! You are caring for someone physically and emotionally. You are a guide, mentor and leader. She will look to you for security and stability. If you aren’t willing to provide balance to her life and help her grown as a submissive and a PERSON, then perhaps you just want the bedroom play and nothing more.
I’d also say to ask tons of questions to people who actually live this as a lifestyle and have done more than just fantasize and play online. Do as much research as you can through forums, blogs, and informational sites.
Finding a mentor is also a great way to get started.
The main thing I would say to any new Dom is BE YOURSELF! Don’t feel the need to put on some loud production. As the saying goes, the best Doms inspire the sub to serve…and that doesn’t require barking orders. It means that you tap into what she wants and needs and your balance each other.